I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
