So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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