No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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