I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the day after is always just damage control
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize