i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
