I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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