so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
