I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
