Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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