I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
