I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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