please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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