This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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