Can i not drive my cunt home
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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