Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
