Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
