She announced her abortion via fbk
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
