My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
