Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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