I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
