Screwed.edu
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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