Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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