Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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