You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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