i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
