Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
