out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
