I bet he comes in French.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
