why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
