It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize