My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
