She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
