She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
