Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
