The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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