dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
