Can i not drive my cunt home
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
