Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
