i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
