i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
