bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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