i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
