I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
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