we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize