Yo dont text me then not text me
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
