if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
