She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
