I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize