thus making me awesome and them whores
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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