My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
honey bunches of taint.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
